if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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