For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
