Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
