Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
