so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
