She is in my trunk
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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