I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
