I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
