I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
