My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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