Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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