U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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