So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize