OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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