Ambien. No doubt about it.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Randomize