You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
