a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
