I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
