not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
