i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize