I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you will always have a special place in my vag
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
