You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize