When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I smell stomach acid.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
