So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize