I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize