My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
