I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize