that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize