It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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