Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
