actually, I'm a sock model
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
