I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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