Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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