I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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