Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
