oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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