I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
