it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
