Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I wear drunk well.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
How naked do you want me to be?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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