Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
