What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
