sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
