What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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