Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
