he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
