remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
