we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
