I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
