At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
