Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
