How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
