no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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