yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
