my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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