if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
