The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
