I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
