your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
