i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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