Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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