I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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