She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
