singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
