My underwear smells like fireworks.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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