I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
