I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
