I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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