Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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