Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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