OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
