just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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